1 00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:09,051 When I was a kid, 2 00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,487 I wanted to be Clark Kent, 3 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,054 saving the world, by working at a newspaper. 4 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,361 - Have you read this paper? - Uh-huh. It sucks. 5 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,753 You-- 6 00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,320 We are going to make it better. 7 00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,713 Why don't we talk after you meet your new boss, though. 8 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,672 My name is Esmeralda Grand, managing editor. 9 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:24,197 I'm also in charge of TTT Online. 10 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:25,763 They hired me to be the editor-in-chief. 11 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,330 Above Esmeralda? -Ned: 12 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,375 Ned has cockroach DNA. 13 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,032 You try to smash it, but then it doesn't die? That's Ned. 14 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,556 Outstanding print coverage, Toledo Truth Teller. 15 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,992 Yeah! 16 00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:39,212 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. 17 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,474 And the winner is Mare Pritti. 18 00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:41,779 Oh, my God. 19 00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,175 Oscar Martinez for Mr. Digit. 20 00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:49,352 Ah, for-- Goddamn it. 21 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:52,181 - I think we need to break up. - We aren't in that kind of a relationship. 22 00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:54,314 I kind of was, though. 23 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,403 - You don't think I wanna kiss you? - I have no-- 24 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,579 I wanna kiss you. This would be the classic, 25 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,277 fastest way to mess everything up. 26 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,366 God. 27 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:04,716 Oh, shit. 28 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,979 What do you do when you get everything 29 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,069 you ever wanted in one night? 30 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,158 You ask for more. 31 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,681 It's called momentum. 32 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:17,424 Two nights ago, we swept the Ohio Journalism Awards. 33 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,731 And so now is the perfect time to get what we need from Marv. 34 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:24,431 I have a wish list, right? Of a hundred thousand dollars. 35 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,955 And today I am gonna get it. 36 00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:29,175 Woo, woo. 37 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:30,524 Oh. 38 00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,701 - Hey. The light's red. - All right. 39 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:36,486 The important thing is picking the right moment... 40 00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:37,661 I'm talking to you, you ginger f-- 41 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,880 ...to ask Marv. 42 00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,447 My main man Gabe. 43 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:43,363 May I present to you the award-winning staff 44 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,799 of the Toledo Truth Teller? 45 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,757 Oscar, tell the man what you won for. 46 00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:50,326 Oh, Mr. Digit. Maybe you're familiar? 47 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,154 We are having some celebratory drinks 48 00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,764 this afternoon at the Macaroni Barn. 49 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,375 Best ziti in that neighborhood. 50 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,290 For floor nine from a Marv Putnam. 51 00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:59,814 - Oh, my God, Marv got us flowers. Whoa. 52 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,555 I haven't gotten flowers since prom. 53 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,774 Shoot. I should have thought of that. 54 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,734 What's... What's better than flowers? 55 00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:08,083 Edible arrangements? Oh. 56 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:09,954 Balloons. 57 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,220 Hold it up, hold it up. 58 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,399 Ha! 59 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,271 ♪ Had to have high, high hopes For a living ♪ 60 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:25,056 ♪ Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing ♪ 61 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,363 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 62 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,279 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Good God, Ned, turn that off! 63 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,500 ♪ Had to have high, high hopes For a living ♪ 64 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:36,155 - What's going on? - Use your eyes, pal. 65 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,547 A man is dead. 66 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:40,333 Siri, turn down. 67 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,249 Playing "Turn Down for What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon. 68 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,207 No. Turn it off, turn it off. 69 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:48,079 - Ned! - Siri, I-- Siri! Turn off! 70 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,693 Who--? Who died? 71 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:53,998 Bill Patterson is dead. 72 00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,308 One of the Softees guys. 73 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,311 One of the human beings you've been working with for months. 74 00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,141 Bill! 75 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,404 Oh, no! Why? 76 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:11,102 Oh, Bill! 77 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,845 Who turned off the music? 78 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:51,187 Mare [chuckling]: Yeah, it was a magical weekend. 79 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,102 Whoa, heh, magical? 80 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,539 Who am I, Minnie Mouse? Uh... 81 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,150 I just mean professionally. 82 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:03,111 I was excited for Sunday to end and Monday to begin. 83 00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,679 That's never happened before. 84 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,551 But, um, sad for Bill. 85 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,336 Whenever they make a sale, the Softees guys 86 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,729 ring this gong right behind Adelola. 87 00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,470 Oh! 88 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,256 Bill was one of the ones that loved to surprise you. 89 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,953 Bill loved to ring that gong. 90 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,520 I will think of him every time 91 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,261 I hear a loud surprising noise. 92 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,481 We could focus on this last weekend and who won awards, 93 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:29,006 or who was tricked into drinking more than she should have, 94 00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:34,273 but I think that Marv wants us to be focused on Bill. 95 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,450 - Do we know what happened? - It sounds like it was a fire. 96 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,278 That's awful. 97 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,758 Poor Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill. 98 00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:44,805 Bill-- Bill was the one with the birthmark, right? 99 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:45,850 No. 100 00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:52,378 He's dead? Our Bill gone? 101 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,684 No, no, no. 102 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:59,603 He's dead. Our Bill. Gone. 103 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,562 Yes, eccolo. Brava. 104 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,041 He's dead. 105 00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,521 Our Bill. 106 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,306 Gone. 107 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,657 Marv, I just wanted to apologize 108 00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,485 for the music and dancing earlier. 109 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,225 - It's all right, buddy. - I did not know. I didn't know. 110 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,707 - You were in shock. - Sweet Bill. 111 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,840 Where does the soul go, I wonder? 112 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:23,060 I know the salary is funneled back into the company 113 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,106 to be repurposed for the living, 114 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:28,501 who knows, maybe even some to his beloved Truth Teller. 115 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:33,157 No, because that would be spitting on his grave. 116 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:36,596 To be honest, he had no respect for you, Ned. 117 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,033 - He thought you were all nerds. - It's true. 118 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,469 You know, uh, Esmeralda, 119 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:44,386 I was unaware that you and Bill were so close? 120 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,953 Yes, we were. 121 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:48,172 Esmeralda made out once with Bill. 122 00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:51,262 In his car outside the Macaroni Barn. 123 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:54,178 I don't think she made eye contact with him after that. 124 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:57,094 Are you guys able to continue today? 125 00:05:57,095 --> 00:05:59,532 Of course. The Truth must be told. 126 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:02,622 Even if it's difficult or expensive. 127 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:06,103 Well, for me, I might need paid leave. 128 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,018 Details can be discussed later. 129 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:12,153 But to be honest I fear to be alone right now. 130 00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:15,678 You know, look, I'm shaking. 131 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,332 - You're only human. - I can't. 132 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,333 We're all in this together. 133 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,813 I can't. Yeah. 134 00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,380 You know, we should write up something nice for Bill. 135 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,773 - I mean, he really was the best of us. - Mmm. 136 00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,253 You know what? 137 00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,951 We can put it on TTT Online immediately. 138 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,911 Instead of their worst night, headline, 139 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:35,176 "He really was the best of us, from Marv Putnam." 140 00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:38,092 The headline's gonna read, "from Marv Putnam"? 141 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,876 The most important part, yeah. 142 00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,835 The biggest part. Shut up. 143 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,663 - That's great, Esmeralda. - Yeah. 144 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,926 Maybe, Ned, you can get your team together? 145 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,667 Write up something special. 146 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,582 You know, something his family can frame. 147 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:53,237 - For Bill. - For Bill. 148 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,675 No, no, no. 149 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:56,676 That's-- It's-- 150 00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,330 Thank you so much. 151 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,636 I really appreciate it. 152 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,333 - It's gonna be okay. - It won't. 153 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,161 It's gonna be okay. 154 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,206 It's all right. 155 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,252 Ned, nice touch, bud. 156 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,778 Bill will be sorely missed. 157 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:15,303 There is a huge void around here. 158 00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:17,610 If you could choose one person to die on this floor, 159 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,438 it would not be Bill. 160 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,701 Purely in terms of earnings and how much he'd be missed, 161 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,877 Alexander's gotta be in the conversation. 162 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,487 But God has chosen to take Bill. 163 00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,621 And you can't argue with God. Al might be next. 164 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:31,015 So I've stepped up to the plate, is what I've done. 165 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,930 In a sales capacity. 166 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,715 For Bill. 167 00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,327 And he left some bloody big shoes to fill. 168 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,880 Is Bill's death really a front page event, Ned? 169 00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:14,014 Yes. Fragility of life. It's universal. 170 00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:15,798 It's the tightrope we're all walking. 171 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,800 You could be murdered tonight. 172 00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,149 - Wow. - Mm-hm. 173 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,629 It's usually someone you know. 174 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,413 - Hey. - How's it going team? 175 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,893 Well, one of the boys 176 00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:26,505 at the toilet paper company died today, Marvin. 177 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,550 That's right, Barry. 178 00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:31,379 Uh, Mare, could you shrink the part about the awards down? 179 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,599 - No boasting today. - Sure thing. 180 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,689 - Oh. - More. 181 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,038 - Oh. - More. 182 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,518 Smaller. A little more. 183 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,650 Smaller. 184 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,783 - Oh... - Yep, that'll do. 185 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,176 Now bring it down to the bottom. Yep. 186 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,265 - Are we sure? - It's tone-deaf. 187 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,530 Now, who's working on the life and death of Bill today? 188 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,272 - Uh... Nicole. Nicole's on it. - I want them all on it. 189 00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,057 Team, I want you to write 190 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,668 the best article you've ever written. 191 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,931 Research the hell out of our guy. 192 00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:04,325 I wanna send him to Valhalla with our words. 193 00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,327 - Everyone, come on! Let's do it. - Bill! 194 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,808 - For Bill! For Bill! - Yeah. 195 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,026 - Okay. - Fart! 196 00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,202 Where's Valhalla? 197 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:17,513 Hey, what's up? 198 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,779 I'm doing amazing. 199 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:24,825 Why? 200 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,871 So were you guys friends? 201 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,569 We were more like comrades. 202 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,571 We saw a lot of crazy shit together. 203 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,530 - Selling toilet paper? - Exactly. 204 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:38,707 - Did he have any hobbies? - I think he liked to cook. 205 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,970 Every time I asked him what he did over the weekend, 206 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:44,017 he was like "cooking" or "I cooked" 207 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,149 or "I spent my time cooking." 208 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,065 It's kind of fitting that he loved to cook, 209 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,458 and then he was cooked. 210 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:51,720 Yeah. 211 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,943 Was anyone else killed? 212 00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,466 No. He was the only fatality. 213 00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,337 The fire was limited to that apartment. 214 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,427 Do you know if he like, warned everybody else in the building? 215 00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:06,474 Or I don't know, sacrificed himself to save others? 216 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,171 - Anything heroic? - No, no. 217 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,477 It looks like he just panicked in there 218 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:10,783 and died like an animal. 219 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,436 You can see fingernail scratches on the door. 220 00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,396 Do you think he was in pain? 221 00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,398 Yeah. 222 00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,487 That guy sucked. 223 00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,402 He showed his guns to my kids. 224 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,404 Well, maybe he was a veteran, sir? 225 00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,580 Hey! 226 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:29,192 We keep our mouths shut on this block. 227 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,368 Let me handle this. Hey, what's up, OG. 228 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,980 - Look, we ain't trying to get you to snitch. - Move along, young brothers. 229 00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,546 We're not the police. I just wanna get-- 230 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:37,374 I know you heard what I said. 231 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,767 - I think we should go. - Yeah. 232 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,421 - Yeah, let's go. - Sorry. 233 00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,815 I'm about to ask Marv for a $100,000, 234 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,643 and these are the best quotes you could get? 235 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,688 You couldn't find anything even remotely positive? 236 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,299 Ned, something was really up with this guy. 237 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,040 Nah. We did not get good vibes, man. 238 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,260 Well, what are we supposed to write then? 239 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:57,656 That he showed guns to kids and burned slowly in a fire? 240 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,875 Uh... 241 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:04,793 I didn't know how, but now I know how. 242 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,012 Why, Ned? 243 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,841 - Insensitive. - I-- I'm sorry. 244 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:12,671 So, what have we learned about my Bill? 245 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,412 We've... We've learned a lot, actually, Marv. 246 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,110 - It's gonna be great. - Good. 247 00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:18,589 Macaroni Barn's gonna be 248 00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,548 a celebration of life for Bill now. 249 00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:23,377 What about our party, for the Academy Award? 250 00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:25,248 No, that's-that's a great idea. 251 00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,859 It's very, very appropriate, yes. 252 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,817 We need to turn the Victory Vermouth 253 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,558 into Bill on the Rocks then. 254 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,083 I'll make sure there's no Fireball in it. 255 00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,738 She's really on it. 256 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,740 Is your piece gonna be ready in time? 257 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,177 - Yes. Yes, of course. - Okay, good. 258 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:44,267 I am going to read it out loud today at the memorial. 259 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,705 And Bill's sister and mother are gonna be there. 260 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,184 Oh... 261 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:50,317 Great. Will do, sir. 262 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:54,625 It's gonna be the best summation of a wonderful life ever. 263 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,453 Keep it up, guys. 264 00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,499 Thank you. 265 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,544 Hey, uh, interesting Photoshop. 266 00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,851 Oh. 267 00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:06,682 - Yeah, huh? - This weekend was pretty great, right? 268 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,292 Yeah, it was great. 269 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,120 I think everyone had a good time. 270 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,732 Hey, could you gather everyone in the conference room? 271 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,475 - We have to finish Bill's piece. - Uh-huh. Yeah. 272 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,740 Okay, so everything on this guy's 273 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,654 start paperwork seems to be false. 274 00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:26,396 His home phone number starts with 5-5-5, 275 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,355 and he spelled Illinois wrong. 276 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:29,748 No, that's right. 277 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,098 But I'm not seeing any school records. 278 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,795 At least not by the name we knew him by. 279 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,623 I found this in his desk. 280 00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,799 Do you think he was in the army, Mare? 281 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,236 It's no U.S. branch that I know of. 282 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,108 Wait, but you can see his last name. 283 00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,372 - Egorov. - Egorov? 284 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,244 What military has a skull as their insignia? 285 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:50,856 Okay, I just found Bill Egorov's SoundCloud. 286 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,381 He has one song called "Morphine and Ice Cream." 287 00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:56,775 I regret every moment 288 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,387 that I let hate win in my life. 289 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:03,912 I was judging people just by the color of their skin. 290 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,480 That's called being racist. 291 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:10,571 ♪ And then I met This beautiful girl ♪ 292 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:16,795 ♪ She was a Peruvian and she Changed my whole world ♪ 293 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,449 Travis, can you please turn it off? 294 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,712 Not everybody should have a creative outlet. 295 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:25,194 Okay, the flag they're holding? It's the Wagner Group. 296 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,066 - It's mercenaries. - What? 297 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,850 Who the hell is this guy? 298 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,548 See? 299 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,681 Yeah. Hello? 300 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,858 Yes, we can be there in 10 minutes. Great, thank you. 301 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,425 - Who was that? - It's the morgue. 302 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,948 They have Bill's remains. 303 00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:41,602 They said we could come ask some questions. 304 00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:44,475 - Mare, let's go. - Sure. Love the morgue. 305 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,781 Oh, and also Travis. 306 00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,652 Travis, you come too, buddy. 307 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,045 We'll take your truck. 308 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,612 I don't drive a truck. 309 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,092 I find that kind of offensive. 310 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:56,923 I drive a regular car, it's small. Two doors. 311 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,317 The fire started at 1 a.m. in his kitchen. 312 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:02,841 What was he cooking at 1 a.m.? 313 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,278 - A roast? - For the homeless, maybe? 314 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,410 Show us the body, sir. Let's see him. 315 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,412 Oh. 316 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,674 Bill. 317 00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:12,720 Which end is which? 318 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:15,723 - My God, what's that long thing? - Is that his penis? 319 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,464 Oh, no, his penis is long gone. 320 00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:21,816 What we thought was Bill's penis turned out to be his tailbone. 321 00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,383 The penis is actually quite fragile. 322 00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:24,732 It's all sponge. 323 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,386 It's the first thing to go up in a fire. 324 00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:30,564 And Bill's bladder was unfortunately full of alcohol. 325 00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:31,957 So in this case, 326 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,436 his penis was almost like 327 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,830 the wick to a Molotov cocktail. 328 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,701 I've actually seen a couple of cases like this. 329 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,790 Looks like he was working with some type of accelerant. 330 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:42,228 Accelerant? Well, he loved to cook. 331 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:44,230 Maybe he was trying some sort of gourmet dish? 332 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,885 If you consider high-quality meth a gourmet dish. 333 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,104 He was a [bleep] meth dealer? 334 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,411 - I mean... - Goddamn it. 335 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,676 Oh, man. 336 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:04,468 Ken speaking. 337 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:09,820 No, Bill has, um, stepped out momentarily. 338 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,910 So you are in my safe hands now. 339 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,521 How can I help you? 340 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,131 Right. 341 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:20,222 And what sort of quantity for the order would that be? 342 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,876 Twenty grams? 343 00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:25,271 You have correctly identified me 344 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,491 as being a man from a metric country. 345 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,974 Yeah, I've been going through it the last few days. 346 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,542 Just been ruminating on the shortness of life. 347 00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:37,457 But also, how long it always feels 348 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:38,937 between breakfast and lunch. 349 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,373 From what I've deduced, 350 00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,027 I think Detrick developed a little hole 351 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,767 in his love life over the weekend. 352 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,292 And that is a hole that I'm looking to fill. 353 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:50,036 I'm about to stuff myself all up in there. Mm. 354 00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,080 Um... 355 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,561 Platonically speaking, of course. 356 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,172 Just with some classic friendship. 357 00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,305 Uh... 358 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,263 Could we do take two, actually? Please? 359 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:05,093 - Pretty insane, huh? - This shit is crazy, bro. 360 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,400 - Were you guys tight? - No, not really. 361 00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:10,055 - It's hard to be tight with people you intimidate. - Mm. 362 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,709 Hey question for you, after Macaroni Barn tonight, 363 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,669 do you want to go get up with me? 364 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,497 - It's a Monday. - Exactly. 365 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,586 It's Margarita Mondays at O'Shays. 366 00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,457 Which means affordable liquor 367 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,590 and at least five fine-as-hell urgent care nurses 368 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,157 who just got off shift next door. 369 00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:26,289 What do you think? 370 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,596 - Let's do it. Yup. - You down? Bro. 371 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,641 - That's what I'm talking about. - Boys' night out? 372 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:35,385 - What's up? - You got-- You got room for another boy? 373 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,170 - Um... - I mean, it was maybe-- 374 00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:40,824 - We had planned-- - I can get the drinks. 375 00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,000 - Okay. - Yeah? 376 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,697 - Yeah. - Cool. -Ned: 377 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,220 - Yeah, raise the roof. - Absolutely. 378 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:48,180 I didn't know Ned liked margaritas that much. 379 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,226 Or the whole urgent care crowd. 380 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:54,404 It's just interesting, that's all. 381 00:16:56,624 --> 00:17:00,410 Right. So that is one 12-pack. 382 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,630 For the special price. 383 00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:05,980 And how much is that again? 384 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,330 Bloody hell. 385 00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:11,551 That's how much Bill was charging for a 12-pack? 386 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:12,595 That's fantastic. 387 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,988 I knew Bill was all salesman, 388 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,511 but, uh, my goodness. 389 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,123 You can't teach that. The up-charging on that. 390 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,733 Fantastic. 391 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,387 I'll say this, I hope the angels 392 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,258 are watching their wallets up there. 393 00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:26,131 Because Bill was an absolute shark. 394 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,568 What are we gonna do? We have to get this out by 6. 395 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,005 I know. I'm just-- This is... 396 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,876 Oh, man. My head hurts. 397 00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,053 I've got you, boss. 398 00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,837 It's all right, Barry. 399 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,666 Oh. 400 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,059 - Relax. - Oh, wow. It's-- 401 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,845 - Relax. - Oh, this feels amazing. 402 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,197 Okay. Ned. 403 00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,198 Ned? 404 00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,460 Are we going to be able 405 00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,288 to put the awards on the front page? 406 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,725 Not that it's the only thing I care about. 407 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,771 I just told my mom already. 408 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,642 At this point, absolutely not. 409 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:00,948 - Okay. - Sorry. 410 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:03,994 Barry. I love you. 411 00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:07,303 It's kind of like the awards night never happened. 412 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,522 It's kind of like 413 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,785 the awards night never happened. 414 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,400 Esmeralda, thank you 415 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,749 for enlarging this beautiful photo. 416 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,577 And I showed Bill's mom what you posted. 417 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:25,538 So nice to see Bill in that light. 418 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,931 No one ever spoke about him that way. 419 00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,544 I did. I did, mama. 420 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,937 So sorry for your loss. 421 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,202 I remember seeing Bill... 422 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,510 Ned's team runs the Toledo Truth Teller. 423 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,512 They've worked up a wonderful profile 424 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,862 on your Bill that's gonna run tomorrow. 425 00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:49,301 - Oh. - I thought I'd have Ned read it, if that's okay with you? 426 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:54,784 Maybe after Ned, I could read my piece. 427 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,134 To headline. 428 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,657 And for closure. 429 00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,962 Whatever you need. 430 00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:00,007 Thank you. 431 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:02,227 Marv, could I have a moment? 432 00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,011 - Sure. - Nice to meet you. 433 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:07,362 Jesus on a merry-go-round! The Wagner Group? 434 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,711 The headline on TTT 435 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:11,714 has me saying he's the best guy I know. 436 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,500 - I can't believe this. - Yeah, it's bad. 437 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,850 Hey, could the paper have a hundred thousand dollars 438 00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,288 - for overtime and new laptops? - What? 439 00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,681 No. 440 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,378 Ned, is this true? 441 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:27,077 Yes, yes. Unfortunately, yes. 442 00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,167 Well, I don't know what to say. 443 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,170 I guess I really can't pick them. 444 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,520 So I-- I shouldn't read it? 445 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,958 Ned, what's the name of our paper? 446 00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,525 All right. 447 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,571 Bill was a complicated man. 448 00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:46,227 He kept to himself, he sold toilet paper. 449 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,055 He loved to wear the Enervate "E" 450 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,926 at our company Christmas can drive 451 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,537 where he delighted many children, 452 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845 although he probably delighted more teenagers... 453 00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:59,109 because he also made and distributed methamphetamine. 454 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,110 - What? - -Ned: 455 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,329 What else? 456 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:04,027 He had 47 confirmed kills as a mercenary. 457 00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,856 I just verified that with an old-- 458 00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:08,684 I wanna say army buddy of his. 459 00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:09,946 Mm-hm. 460 00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:12,079 He was a world traveler. 461 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:18,041 He traveled everywhere, the Congo, Syria, Darfur. 462 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:21,567 That's our Bill. Total piece of shit. 463 00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:24,309 - Remember when he robbed... - Hey, Esmeralda, 464 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,659 I think you said you wanted to speak last, right? 465 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:29,052 - Yeah. But I might be good, actually. - Everybody! 466 00:20:29,053 --> 00:20:32,447 Everybody, Bill's girlfriend, Esmeralda. 467 00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:33,883 You know her here. 468 00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:36,930 She'd like to say a few words about her boo. 469 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,627 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 470 00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,412 Give it up for Esmeralda Grand, everybody. 471 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,201 Allora, uh... 472 00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:49,725 Yes, we are all here to remember Bill, sure. 473 00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,553 But let's not forget 474 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:55,340 the original purpose of this celebration. 475 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:59,822 The many awards for the Toledo Truth Teller! 476 00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,781 Three awards! 477 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,000 Let's have a round of applause. 478 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,440 I really appreciate all the hard work today, guys. 479 00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,093 - Sure. - It's good. 480 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:13,227 Mare, what did we end up going with for the front page? 481 00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,316 There it is. 482 00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,666 Ooh. Well, better than nothing. 483 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,451 - I guess. - All right, 6 p.m. 484 00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,279 Good work today. 485 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,238 Thank you very much. I'll send that to the printers. 486 00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:25,457 Sweet. 487 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,024 I'll see you tomorrow? 488 00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:29,199 Yeah. 489 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,071 - See you tomorrow, everybody! - Good night, Ned. 490 00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:32,291 - Night. - Good night. 491 00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:50,047 Whoa. 492 00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,584 What the [bleep]? 493 00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:07,890 I can't believe we got away with it all day. 494 00:22:07,891 --> 00:22:09,588 We totally-- We totally fooled them. 495 00:22:09,589 --> 00:22:12,678 - Yeah, you fooled everybody. - You were so amazing. 496 00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:14,854 At one point I thought you were really scowling at me. 497 00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:16,986 Well, yeah, you've barely looked at me all day. 498 00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:18,814 I know, I know. It was such a long day. 499 00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:20,861 But at least now we know we can do it, right? 500 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,733 And at 6:01... 501 00:22:25,169 --> 00:22:26,909 - off the clock. - Okay. Okay. 502 00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:30,391 But, um, just because we have to keep this a secret, 503 00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:32,655 doesn't mean you need to keep it a secret from me. 504 00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:36,745 - You didn't know? - No. 505 00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:38,443 I thought you knew. I'm sorry. 506 00:22:38,444 --> 00:22:40,880 You are a psychopath. 507 00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,316 But I get it. 508 00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:44,100 Okay, what are you doing tonight? 509 00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:45,406 Oh, you know what? 510 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:48,148 I'm chasing tail with the fellas. 511 00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:51,020 Just to provide cover for us, so... 512 00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:53,458 - Thank you? - You're welcome. 513 00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:55,155 Tomorrow night? 514 00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:58,985 - No, I'm interviewing the lottery lady. - All right. 515 00:22:58,986 --> 00:23:01,640 Okay. Well, we can do the weekend maybe. 516 00:23:01,641 --> 00:23:03,381 - Yeah? - Yeah. 517 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,295 - I'll take you somewhere. - Okay. 518 00:23:05,296 --> 00:23:06,688 Yeah? 519 00:23:06,689 --> 00:23:08,081 Please, um... 520 00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:09,952 Forgive me for what you're about to hear. 521 00:23:09,953 --> 00:23:10,998 Okay. 522 00:23:13,174 --> 00:23:14,957 Where are my MILF hunters at? 523 00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:16,829 Uh-oh. 524 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,613 Whoo! 525 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,789 Hey! You ready to get laid? 526 00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:22,443 We're gonna put it in some nurses? 527 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:23,966 I'm gonna have to call you on that. 528 00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:25,881 - Those nurses are heroes, okay? - Absolutely. 529 00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:27,100 - Be careful. - I agree. 530 00:23:27,101 --> 00:23:28,971 I support all our heroes 531 00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,451 in and out of uniform. 532 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:31,844 Who wants to bang a coward? 533 00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:35,325 - Three guys out on the town? - I know. 534 00:23:35,326 --> 00:23:39,155 - When was the last time you guys were in love? Mm. 535 00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,035 Oh, showtime. 536 00:23:49,036 --> 00:23:50,428 Come on, Ken. 537 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,822 One 12-pack of toilet roll for you. 538 00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:56,216 And I wouldn't mind seeing the $10,000, if you please. 539 00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:57,913 - Pure. - Pure, yep. 540 00:23:57,914 --> 00:24:00,699 Pretty good. Two-ply, the best. 541 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:04,094 - It's uncut? - Well, it's perforated, which is useful. 542 00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:09,316 But it's, uh, meth, right? 543 00:24:09,317 --> 00:24:11,013 Meth... 544 00:24:11,014 --> 00:24:12,624 amphetamine? 545 00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,843 Yeah, cheerio then. Off we go. 546 00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:16,454 Let's get you home, Ken.